Epilogue -- 07-06-2012
It has been exactly one month since Robin passed away. Her Rosary and funeral are over, and Robin’s body was laid to rest in North Carolina, near her father, Hal. I thought it would be good to let folks know what we have been through and how we are doing. I’m also hoping the writing will help me sort things out a bit.
Robin’s funeral was on Saturday, June 9th, and our family was all gone by Tuesday, so John and I returned to work on Wednesday. I am VERY thankful that John has been here. It would have been much more difficult to come home to an empty house each day. John was planning to move last January because he works about 45 miles from home. However, he chose to stay and help me take care of Robin as her condition worsened, and taking care of her became more difficult. I am sure I would not have been able to do it without him. And I certainly thank God that John is here with me now!
Over all, I am doing pretty well, I think. The feelings that I go through are like a roller-coaster, but I think they are starting to smooth out a bit. I have not been what I would call, “sad.” The overwhelming “negative” feeling that I experience is just missing Robin. Robin’s presence to have conversation, to ask how my day was, to tell me what she did --- it’s just missing. On workdays, we used to check in with each other around lunchtime; but that is no longer happening, so I get that empty feeling. The feeling of emptiness is painful, and talking about it (or writing about it) brings tears to my eyes and gets me choked-up. On the other hand, I am exceedingly happy that Robin is no longer in pain, and, even better yet, according to our faith, she is in bliss. I have no doubt whatsoever that Robin is enjoying the reward of a good life, lived according to God’s plan for her. That joy is such a different feeling from the emptiness, and it helps me cope with the pain of her absence.
In the Catholic Church, we believe in “The Communion of Saints.” This belief says that we, the faithful on earth, are bound together with the souls in purgatory and the Saints in heaven in the mystical body of Christ. We believe that our relationship with other Christians does not end with death. When you hear about Catholics “praying” to a Saint, it’s not the same as praying to God; it’s more like asking your friend to pray for you. So I know that I can talk (pray) to Robin any time; I don’t even need a cell phone! But clearly, there are big differences between the conversations that we used to have. At least for now, it is not nearly as satisfying. I guess it will have to do.
I’ve been trying to keep in touch with Robin’s Mom, Johnnie. I don’t think a 36+ year relationship like we have can be dissolved. Mom seems to be doing pretty well, though I can tell she really misses Robin. Robin and her Mom had a very close relationship, and they talked regularly on the phone. When added to so many other losses in recent years, I think Robin’s death was especially painful for her. I’m sure I can count on our North Carolina family and friends to check on her often, and let me know if there are any problems. (I don’t think she would tell me, not wanting to worry us.)
I must say, I never would have guessed how much there is to do after someone dies. Boeing had a “checklist” for employees who are dealing with the death of a loved one, and I found similar lists online. These were a big help. There were various agencies to notify and lots of different forms to be filled out. Some of the forms required an original Death Certificate, so they had to wait a couple of weeks until they were delivered. I am about one third of the way through the list, so far. I try to do one item as far as I can every day. A couple of items are going to require tax advice, so those may sit for a while. I have not started sending thank you cards yet, and I guess I need to attack that next.
I need to thank so many people for so much for so many years. I could never fully express my gratitude to you folks who supported us throughout the last seven and a half years. You helped Robin to understand how special she is and you kept her connected with the world through visits, phone calls, email cards, gifts, meals (especially, meatloaf), and most of all, through your prayers. Since Robin died, John and I have received many gifts and messages of encouragement, support, and concern. We are SO blest to have you with us in spirit. We offer you our heartfelt THANKS. Most of all, we thank God for putting you in our lives.
I’ll close for now. I don’t know whether I will post anymore to this blog; my guess is, probably not. I do have a project in mind that will take some time. I am hoping to put together some “lessons learned” from our many years of battling Cancer. In the meantime, if you know someone who is dealing with cancer, or someone who is married to a cancer patient, I would be happy to talk to them. We learned a lot over the years. We had folks who helped us figure a path through this craziness, and I would be glad to help others, if I can.
Love and thanks to all,
God Bless You,
--- Larry
Robin’s funeral was on Saturday, June 9th, and our family was all gone by Tuesday, so John and I returned to work on Wednesday. I am VERY thankful that John has been here. It would have been much more difficult to come home to an empty house each day. John was planning to move last January because he works about 45 miles from home. However, he chose to stay and help me take care of Robin as her condition worsened, and taking care of her became more difficult. I am sure I would not have been able to do it without him. And I certainly thank God that John is here with me now!
Over all, I am doing pretty well, I think. The feelings that I go through are like a roller-coaster, but I think they are starting to smooth out a bit. I have not been what I would call, “sad.” The overwhelming “negative” feeling that I experience is just missing Robin. Robin’s presence to have conversation, to ask how my day was, to tell me what she did --- it’s just missing. On workdays, we used to check in with each other around lunchtime; but that is no longer happening, so I get that empty feeling. The feeling of emptiness is painful, and talking about it (or writing about it) brings tears to my eyes and gets me choked-up. On the other hand, I am exceedingly happy that Robin is no longer in pain, and, even better yet, according to our faith, she is in bliss. I have no doubt whatsoever that Robin is enjoying the reward of a good life, lived according to God’s plan for her. That joy is such a different feeling from the emptiness, and it helps me cope with the pain of her absence.
In the Catholic Church, we believe in “The Communion of Saints.” This belief says that we, the faithful on earth, are bound together with the souls in purgatory and the Saints in heaven in the mystical body of Christ. We believe that our relationship with other Christians does not end with death. When you hear about Catholics “praying” to a Saint, it’s not the same as praying to God; it’s more like asking your friend to pray for you. So I know that I can talk (pray) to Robin any time; I don’t even need a cell phone! But clearly, there are big differences between the conversations that we used to have. At least for now, it is not nearly as satisfying. I guess it will have to do.
I’ve been trying to keep in touch with Robin’s Mom, Johnnie. I don’t think a 36+ year relationship like we have can be dissolved. Mom seems to be doing pretty well, though I can tell she really misses Robin. Robin and her Mom had a very close relationship, and they talked regularly on the phone. When added to so many other losses in recent years, I think Robin’s death was especially painful for her. I’m sure I can count on our North Carolina family and friends to check on her often, and let me know if there are any problems. (I don’t think she would tell me, not wanting to worry us.)
I must say, I never would have guessed how much there is to do after someone dies. Boeing had a “checklist” for employees who are dealing with the death of a loved one, and I found similar lists online. These were a big help. There were various agencies to notify and lots of different forms to be filled out. Some of the forms required an original Death Certificate, so they had to wait a couple of weeks until they were delivered. I am about one third of the way through the list, so far. I try to do one item as far as I can every day. A couple of items are going to require tax advice, so those may sit for a while. I have not started sending thank you cards yet, and I guess I need to attack that next.
I need to thank so many people for so much for so many years. I could never fully express my gratitude to you folks who supported us throughout the last seven and a half years. You helped Robin to understand how special she is and you kept her connected with the world through visits, phone calls, email cards, gifts, meals (especially, meatloaf), and most of all, through your prayers. Since Robin died, John and I have received many gifts and messages of encouragement, support, and concern. We are SO blest to have you with us in spirit. We offer you our heartfelt THANKS. Most of all, we thank God for putting you in our lives.
I’ll close for now. I don’t know whether I will post anymore to this blog; my guess is, probably not. I do have a project in mind that will take some time. I am hoping to put together some “lessons learned” from our many years of battling Cancer. In the meantime, if you know someone who is dealing with cancer, or someone who is married to a cancer patient, I would be happy to talk to them. We learned a lot over the years. We had folks who helped us figure a path through this craziness, and I would be glad to help others, if I can.
Love and thanks to all,
God Bless You,
--- Larry
posted by Larry Burns @ 9:16 PM
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